


May I Have Your Affections, Please?

by loveseek630



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 08:46:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20793887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loveseek630/pseuds/loveseek630
Summary: Jaehwan has always been that friend - honest and shameless in showing affection especially when the other members would deprive Hakyeon of the validation he craved for.But when he lets his feelings slip out, they suddenly find themselves in an awkward situation.





	May I Have Your Affections, Please?

**Author's Note:**

> A fic written for a Jaehwan fic fest but I haven't heard from the organizers in a long time so I decided to just publish this.
> 
> If you recognize this as your prompt, hit me up uwu I hope you like it. ^_^

Jaehwan had always been that friend for Hakyeon. Cute, smiley, sweet, affectionate. True, he could get rowdy quite often and sometimes green with his jokes, but regardless, he was Hakyeon’s cutest friend and member.

After working together for more than six years, Hakyeon felt like a proud parent for how much Jaehwan has grown both as an artist and as a person. He had watched Jaehwan mature from being a bratty temperamental trainee to a well-rounded singer and actor - albeit still a little bratty. Jaehwan was kind, caring, and very dependable. 

Still, Hakyeon couldn’t help but see that same kid who walked into the training room years ago- loud and kind of intimidating even though Hakyeon definitely saw his hands shaking when he introduced himself. He also knew the same kid felt out of place quite often, having been one of those who entered the company later than the others. And so, once he was aware of it, Hakyeon took it upon himself to make sure Jaehwan never felt left out again.

“Let Jaehwannie join too.” 

Their two youngest members were playing some dumb ball game while Jaehwan was standing on the side, looking like a kicked puppy who very much wanted to join. Maybe Hakyeon and Taekwoon were really getting old because they couldn’t comprehend what the hell Sanghyuk and Hongbin were doing so they just sat on the couch watching.

“He can't. He doesn’t know how to play!”

Jaehwan pouted - the pout that made Hakyeon just want to spoon him, put him on a pool of colorful balls and let him have all the fun. Since he couldn’t get into whatever dumbassery the other two were doing, Hakyeon just decided to call Wonshik. The man loves all things cute and adores Jaehwan for the obviously irresistible cuteness. He came in soon after with his own stupid game to distract Jaehwan away from their youngests’ antics. 

Hakyeon couldn’t have been happier to see Jaehwan enjoying himself. He was the most adorable when he smiled, and it was just contagious. There was probably no one in the world who wouldn’t smile if Jaehwan smiled at them - exactly why Hakyeon could call him his happy pill.

But more than just a contagious smile and non-cringe-worthy cuteness, it seemed like Jaehwan liked to return the favor and never let Hakyeon feel alone.

Whenever Hakyeon was noticeably upset, Jaehwan was there, cuddling up to him, cracking lame jokes and trying his best to make him laugh. Each time other members played indifferent, Jaehwan would be the only one who does otherwise. Of course, they all knew it was just a joke between the members, but Hakyeon didn’t always find it funny. That’s why he was always thankful for Jaehwan who never hesitated to make him feel wanted.

Hakyeon could remember a few times when he was caught shamefully crying - though Jaehwan insisted there was no shame in feeling what he felt. The first couple of times, Jaehwan kept asking him what was wrong until he opened up and revealed his deepest, darkest insecurities. After a while, he stopped asking. Instead, he would just sit next to Hakyeon, put an arm around his shoulder, and gently rub his arm while saying how much he appreciated every little thing he did for the group. Even when Hakyeon tried to hide, Jaehwan would find him in his room, in the practice room, or even at fire exit of the company building. He knew Hakyeon was easily hurt and bruised, despite the tough and playful facade.

Sometimes, it wasn’t even about the members. Hakyeon would just have a lot of doubts running in his head, wondering if he was doing the right things at the right times. Sometimes, he just felt like he wasn’t doing enough and wanted to give up. Right on cue, Jaehwan would appear in front of him, telling him he worked hard and patting his back for a job well done.

“Good work today, hyung,” Jaehwan would give him the brightest smile at the end of the day before they go to sleep. He wouldn’t move from Hakyeon’s door until he saw the same smile on the other’s face.

It was definitely something Hakyeon would miss upon leaving the dorm.

“Do you really have to leave?”

They were lounging at the living room, three days before Hakyeon was supposed to move out. Jaehwan was laying on the couch, his back against one of the arm rests and his legs crossing over Hakyeon’s lap, seated right in the middle of the couch.

“I’ve always wanted to do this before I turn 30,” Hakyeon replied. “Just a bit of independence and solitude before I enlist.”

“Just stay with us until you enlist and then try your independence after your service.” Jaehwan pouted. Hakyeon chuckled as he started kicking his feet and continued throwing pretend tantrums. In the end, he couldn’t change Hakyeon’s mind but he at least managed to let him know that his presence would be greatly missed.

That was really something he needed - to know that he was still needed. Even if he really wanted some peace and quiet in his own place, there was a tiny part in Hakyeon’s brain which wondered if the other members actually celebrated his moving out of the dorm.

-=oOo=-

Hakyeon was happy enough when Hongbin and Sanghyuk visited him in his new apartment. Granted, they still got him a bit sulky for bringing their own food and only eating what Hakyeon cooked for them whenever he wasn’t watching. Among all the members, the youngsters were the ones who expressed themselves the least, but when they let hints of their feelings slip out, it made Hakyeon feel warm inside. Hongbin’s goodbye hug was especially tight and Sanghyuk’s hand lingered on his arm for a while before they left.

Taekwoon was surprisingly more open and more expressive towards Hakyeon. Wonshik, on the other hand, still joked around quite often and Hakyeon sometimes had to wonder whether he was serious or not. 

“Love me just half as much as you love Jaehwan. Please!!!”

He wasn’t really that serious. In a way, sulking and acting butthurt was Hakyeon’s own way of playing along with Wonshik's antics. Sometimes, he just gets a bit petty and maybe a tiny bit jealous of Jaehwan who was undoubtedly loved by everyone - Not that he ever had to wonder why. Even he would give the world on a silver plate to his precious Jaehwan. 

  
  
  


Hakyeon shouldn’t have been surprised that he got himself a visitor on the very same night. He watched Jaehwan let himself in to his apartment, sit comfortably on the couch, turn on the TV and then babble about his day like their usual routine at the dorm. Hakyeon couldn’t help but smile. The company was greatly appreciated, but he knew Jaehwan was there to check on him - to make sure his little bickering with Wonshik didn’t get into his head.

“Thank you, Jaehwannie.” Hakyeon leaned his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder as they sat together on his brand new couch. He slipped his arms around Jaehwan’s waist and hugged him loosely. “For coming here tonight.”

This time, Jaehwan fell unusually quiet. He didn’t move, nor crack his lame jokes to make Hakyeon laugh. He just sat there, staring at Hakyeon’s hands which where clasped together at his hip.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry if I worried you.”

It took a few more seconds before Jaehwan finally responded, “I’m tired of it, hyung.”

Hakyeon pulled back and stared at him confused. “Tired of what?”

“Of you always asking other people for affection.”

There was a tight feeling around Hakyeon’s chest. He didn’t know if he felt ashamed or hurt. He just knew the sadness in Jaehwan’s eyes made him feel like he was being punched in the gut.

“Jaehwan…”

“You know they actually love you, but they’ll keep ignoring you because that’s just the way they are. Especially Wonshik. Why do you always chase after him?”

Hakyeon gulped as he turned his head away. “I really wasn’t serious about it today… But it’s just… Sometimes, I just need that kind of validation. I need to know they really care. I want them to care.”

“I’m right here!”Jaehwan’s voice cracked a little, but he recovered quickly. “I don’t ignore you. Can’t I give you the validation you need?” He leaned forward, holding one of Hakyeon’s hands. 

“Is it not enough that ** _I_ ** care about you? Aren’t I enough?” 

The words sink in really slowly as Jaehwan’s grip on his hand loosened.

“Jaehwan, are you…” Hakyeon might have been mistaken. He must have been reading too much into things. And yet there was something about the way Jaehwan looked at him that moment which told him he wasn’t just imagining things. So he forced the question out of his mouth. “You’re not in love with me, are you?”

Had it not been true, Jaehwan could have just dismissed it as a joke and laugh at Hakyeon’s narcissism. He didn’t have to look so hurt as he withdrew his hand. 

The warmth around Hakyeon's hand was slowly replaced by a prickling sense of loss. The air felt stuffy and it was just difficult to breathe. It was the first time they ever had an unsettling silence between them. More often than not, at least one of them would have something fun to tell the other. This time, Hakyeon just sat stunned while Jaehwan clenched his fists and stiffly put them together on his lap. He kept his head down and no longer looked at Hakyeon.

“You’re being funny, hyung,” Jaehwan finally said with a dry laugh. “There’s no way… We’re just friends, aren’t we?”

When Hakyeon still couldn’t respond, Jaehwan stood up and quickly muttered “I have to go,” before hurrying out the door.

There was a deeper sense of loss that now haunted Hakyeon up until he lay on his bed that night. Mixed with disbelief and regret, it didn’t let him sleep a wink. He could only think of everything that happened over and over again.

-=oOo=-

The group barely had any schedule together in the days that followed, so they almost didn’t see each other. The one time they did, Jaehwan managed to completely avoid talking to Hakyeon, sticking next to Wonshik all the time. He was loud, and energetic. His laughter was as natural as it could be while he acted dumb with Sanghyuk and Wonshik at the set. For the most part, there was nothing out of the ordinary. 

Except he never looked at Hakyeon, much less smile at him. 

Maybe he was being selfish but Hakyeon felt a little sick inside as he watched Jaehwan pointedly avoid interacting with him. He wanted to confront him and talk everything out, but he didn’t even know what to say. He didn’t know how to discuss their feelings and not hurt Jaehwan.

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Jaehwan at all. He just never saw him in that light. It was difficult to believe that Jaehwan had any romantic feelings for him in the first place. All the time they were together, Hakyeon had only thought of him as a cute child. One that was very close to his heart and one he would always protect from getting hurt. It never once occurred to Hakyeon that he might have been the one hurting his precious child. That was something he never wished to happen.

“Are you okay?” Taekwoon asked when they were back at the dressing room. “You look a bit pale.” He stretched a hand to reach for Hakyeon’s forehead and check his temperature, but the latter instantly recoiled.

“I’m fine.” He leaned back and fixed his fringe, saying the stylist worked hard on his hair and he wanted to keep it. “Just lack of sleep, I guess.” He forced a smile out of his lips and diverted the topic to Taekwoon’s new musical. They were later joined by Hongbin, who casually rested his hand on Hakyeon’s shoulder. It was at that very moment that Hakyeon noticed Jaehwan finally spared him a glance, though he quickly looked away as soon as he was caught.

Hakyeon felt his heart drop. He suddenly stepped away from Hongbin, afraid Jaehwan would misunderstand that he was okay with the way things were as long as the other members gave him the affection he needed. 

Hongbin stared at him worriedly, but didn’t say anything. He must have looked obviously unwell too, because by the end of the day, all of the other members had come to check on him… Except Jaehwan.

And it just made him feel worse.

The next time they met was just a tiny bit better. Jaehwan said at least a couple of words to him and looked at him briefly when they talked, but it was all about their work schedule and nothing about their situation at all. Not a single smile thrown his direction. Hakyeon was at a loss on what to do. The one person he thought would never stop liking him just suddenly went all cold at him. He didn't care anymore if the other members were giving him attention. Heck he didn't care if Wonshik was suddenly being nice and saying he was actually missed at the dorm. He just wanted to see Jaehwan smile at him again. 

Hakyeon spent the rest of the week figuring out what to do. Throughout sleepless nights, he thought so hard about how he really felt about Jaehwan and how things could go back to the way they were before. He wanted so badly to talk to Jaehwan and kept trying to type a message but always ended up deleting it. Nothing just sounded right. Asking to meet and talk was useless when he still didn’t know what to say. He tried composing all his thoughts in a single message but it just sounded too patronizing.

Finally, after more than a week and still not making any progress, Hakyeon just found himself at the front door of the VIXX dorm. He must have spaced out on his way home as his feet just brought him there without him realizing. 

It was, however, a completely different matter for him to enter and actually find Jaehwan to talk. He still knew the passcode since the other members never changed it but he just couldn’t bring himself to take another step. After almost thirty minutes of pacing back and forth, the door suddenly opened, much to Hakyeon's horror.

"Hyung! What are you doing here?" 

Of course, of all people, it just had to be Jaehwan. He was still holding the door open but he turned back to glare at Sanghyuk who just chuckled before briefly greeting Hakyeon and running to his room.

“I…”

"Come in," Jaehwan said quietly when he turned to Hakyeon again. It was the same uncomfortable silence again as he went to the kitchen, fetching a glass of water to hand Hakyeon. “I heard you haven’t been sleeping well.”

Hakyeon took the glass with trembling hands and drank instead of answering.

“Well, if your new place is uncomfortable, you can always come back here. We haven’t touched your room and the things you left there.” It was so strange how his words were meant to make Hakyeon feel better, and yet he was still acting cold and distant. He avoided facing Hakyeon as much as he could and even tried to leave him alone at the kitchen, saying he had something to do with Sanghyuk.

"JAEHWAN!" Hakyeon yelled, finally unable to stand it. He hastily put the glass down on the counter and grabbed Jaehwan’s wrist tightly with both of his hands. “Don’t leave,” he took a step closer, hesitating if he could go for a hug. It was the first time he was able to touch him since that night, and Hakyeon couldn’t help but feel a little comforted by the warmth, even if he knew there was still so much that they needed to sort out. “Please just stay with me for a bit.” 

Jaehwan sighed in resignation. After a couple more seconds, he slipped his free hand around Hakyeon’s waist and gave him a small smile. 

It must have been the sign Hakyeon was waiting for, because the moment he felt a pat on his lower back, he let go of Jaehwan’s wrist to finally hug him. He buried his face onto the nook of Jaehwan’s neck and shoulder as he tried not to sob.

“I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me anymore,” Hakyeon pleaded.

"I wasn't mad at you." Jaehwan kept patting his back. "To be honest, I was just on my way to visit you because Sanghyuk said you were sick. I was just… I guess I was hoping that if I stayed away, you would chase after me like you do with the others."

"I'm sorry. I should have come to you sooner." Hakyeon hugged him tighter. All of the apologies he tried to say were hushed down by Jaehwan, who now held him by the waist.

“Don’t apologize, hyung. It was narcissistic of me to think I could ease up all your anxieties. I know it doesn’t work that way. I was just being selfish and manipulative, trying to get you to miss me.”

“I did miss you,” Hakyeon pulled back. He cupped Jaehwan’s face in his hands and then pinched his cheeks. “I missed you so much, you have no idea.”

“Thank you.” Jaehwan pursed his lips. “At least I now know I mean something to you.”

“Of course you do!” Hakyeon stepped back and frowned. This was the part he was most afraid of. He didn’t know how to explain how he felt. Where was his eloquence when he needed it the most?

There was sadness in Jaehwan’s smile as he ran a hand on his cheek where Hakyeon had pinched him. 

“Jaehwan…”

“I don’t want you to feel awkward or cautious around me,” Jaehwan interrupted. “I’m sorry I selfishly demanded for your attention. Forget it all happened, hyung.”

“No, listen,” Hakyeon reached for Jaehwan’s face again. This time he rested his arms on Jaehwan’s shoulders and then affectionately rubbed his thumbs on Jaehwan’s earlobes. “I like you a lot, okay? You mean so much to me.”

Jaehwan took a deep breath as he nodded. Hakyeon knew it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t as simple as that and he wasn’t getting through.

“Jaehwan,” he pulled him closer. Tipping on his toes, he planted a kiss on Jaehwan’s forehead and then continued rubbing his ears. “It’s true I only thought of you as a friend and even as family, but I’ve been thinking things over the past week. I’m sorry if I took you for granted before, but now that I know how it feels like to not have you with me, I just…”

There was a hopeful glint in Jaehwan’s eyes while Hakyeon was still fumbling over what to say.

“I don’t want you to think I’m just saying these things to make it up to you. And I don’t… Jaehwan, to be honest, I still don’t know exactly how I feel for you. I just know I can’t bear losing you. I literally couldn’t sleep if I don’t see you smile at me.”

The realization dawned on Jaehwan. He pushed Hakyeon’s hands down and caressed the latter’s face instead, noting the dark circles under his eyes. “It was because of me?”

Hakyeon leaned into his touch. “I don’t want to say things just because we’ve had this… weird… cold fight or something. Maybe I really just missed you. Or maybe I just felt uncomfortable thinking you were mad at me. I really don’t know, Jaehwan. But… if you give me some time, maybe I’ll figure it out.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard,” Jaehwan smiled at him - this time warm and genuine, and Hakyeon couldn’t have felt more relieved seeing that beautiful smile again. “I’ll be fine with whatever you come up with. I’ll be your friend no matter what.”

-=oOo=-

Slowly but surely.

That was how Hakyeon took everything about his relationship with Jaehwan. It didn’t happen overnight, or over a week. In fact, almost nothing changed after Jaehwan’s inadvertent confession.

Hakyeon still showered the other members (especially Wonshik) with his overflowing love, and he often playfully asked for their affection in return. The only difference was that he no longer got upset with their jokes. He would occasionally pout at them or whine out loud about being ignored, but he would always give them a reassuring smile to let them know he was just playing around.

He and Jaehwan were still the same. Since Hakyeon had his own place now, they didn’t see each other as much as they used to, but they kept in constant touch either through chatting or calling each other. Their chatroom was loaded with tons of cute kakao stickers, much like how they would act cute whenever they met in person.

Since Hakyeon was touchy with everyone, no one ever said anything about him clinging on to Jaehwan whenever he stayed over at the dorm because of a few early morning schedules. Probably not even Jaehwan noticed any difference.

But inside Hakyeon, something was gradually changing. It wasn’t just him being more attentive and cautious of how he acted. More than just being afraid to hurt Jaehwan, Hakyeon began appreciating all the small things, from the simplest good morning greeting to the subtlest nudge reminding him to eat even when he was busy.

It wasn’t that Hakyeon didn’t appreciate those things before. It’s just that now, he was hyper aware of everything, and he couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter whenever Jaehwan did those small things. Sometimes, all Jaehwan had to do was smile at him and Hakyeon would feel all warm and fuzzy.

At some point, he also started paying more attention to Jaehwan’s physical features. When did his arms grow so big? When did his chest get so broad? Why did he look extra fine when he had his hair brushed up? Sometimes when they were teasing each other, Jaehwan would pout at him and Hakyeon would find himself wondering how it would feel like to kiss those full lips. It was then that Hakyeon realized he no longer saw Jaehwan as a child. He was a grown-up man who had grown-up feelings for him. And maybe Hakyeon was starting to reciprocate those feelings too.

“Hyung, have some of these.”

Jaehwan visited him again at his apartment one time with a bag of ripe tangerines he got from his mom. “The weather’s been chilly. You need some Vitamin C.” They sat together at the dining table then he started peeling one. 

“Here,” he chirped as he fed Hakyeon with a segment.

“Jaehwan-ahh,” Hakyeon called while still chewing. Jaehwan was busy eating too and barely responded to him, so Hakyeon just waited. But then he got impatient when Jaehwan continued peeling one tangerine after another and kept feeding Hakyeon as soon as he finished.

“Lee Jaehwan!” He called again. This time he grabbed Jaehwan’s wrist, took the segment he was holding, and then put it down on the peelings.

“Hmmm?” Jaehwan stared at him, eyes wide, mouth tightly closed but cheeks puffing out while he kept chewing. He looked so adorable that Hakyeon almost forgot what he was going to say. 

“...” Hakyeon let go of his wrist, so both of their hands just rested on the table. “Do you still like me?”

Jaehwan’s chewing slowed a bit, until he stopped completely and then swallowed. His fingers noticeably coiled, but it seemed he consciously kept his hand on the table instead of awkwardly keeping them on his lap like the last time. He tried to hold his gaze but in the end, he was too embarrassed and looked down instead. His cute pointed ears flushed a little pink as he gave a small nod.

“You do?” Hakyeon asked to confirm.

“... Yeah.” He sighed. “Sorry, I can’t help it.”

Hakyeon smiled. He had been afraid that maybe Jaehwan had moved on and he was too late so it was a relief to hear that wasn’t the case.

“Why are you saying sorry?” He leaned forward and ducked under Jaehwan so he could meet his eyes. “It’s me who’s sorry.”

“You don’t have to feel burdened by - “

“Sorry, I took so long.” Hakyeon reached for Jaehwan’s ear and rubbed it- a peculiar habit he acquired after cuddling with Jaehwan often.

“What?” Jaehwan perked up. His brows furrowed so much as if he was solving some complicated math equation. His lips curved down for a full pout. “I don’t understand.”

“It means,” Hakyeon’s hand slipped from Jaehwan’s ear towards his cheek. He gave him a quick peck on the tip of his tall nose. Then he pressed their foreheads together so that he was sure they were seeing each other eye to eye. “If you’d take me, I’d like to be with you too.”

He wasn’t really the most quick-witted member, so without Hakyeon directly explaining what he meant, Jaehwan just stared at him cluelessly. It took some more seconds before his eyes widened with realization, and then some more to get over the disbelief. 

“Hyung, are you serious?” He backed away - Hakyeon’s hand falling to his lap. “You’re not… I mean… Do you actually…”

Hakyeon gave him a peck again - this time on his lips.

“Is that clear enough?” Hakyeon chuckled as he watched Jaehwan freak out.

“I… Yeah?”

Hakyeon raised his brows. “So?”

“So?” Jaehwan shifted on his chair. He wasn’t really sure what to say or do. His cheeks were blushing so hard. The huge smile on his face couldn’t be hidden by the hand that he kept running over his lips after Hakyeon had kissed him.

Hakyeon just giggled fondly, until finally, he reached for Jaehwan’s hand, pulled it away from his lips, and then kissed him again. He pressed harder until Jaehwan started kissing back. Seconds later, Jaehwan slipped both of his hands around his neck and held on to him until they parted their lips.

“Are you sure?” 

There was a hint of worry on Jaehwan’s eyes. Maybe fear that Hakyeon would change his mind.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” Hakyeon assured him. He ran his thumb over Jaehwan’s soft lips. “I’ve thought about this over and over again. It’s not just gratitude for everything you’ve done. It’s no longer guilt for what happened months ago. And it’s definitely not just empathy. I’m very sure of how I feel for you right now.” He pecked on Jaehwan’s cheek quickly before continuing. “Thank you for loving me all this time and always making me happy. Please let me love you too.”

“Well, I mean… Why would I refuse?” Jaehwan grinned. He clasped his fingers together behind Hakyeon’s neck and pulled him a bit, just enough for him to still see Hakyeon’s whole face despite the proximity.

“Smile for me, hyung…”

Hakyeon didn’t even need to be told. The moment Jaehwan grinned and pulled him closer, he felt his heart skip a beat. His lips stretched into the biggest smile he ever had and it was the happiest he ever was.

“Only for you, Lee Jaehwan.”


End file.
